OOC OC
by cabbitqueen
Summary: Its just a bad story...and maybe if you squint a NejiHina. The closest I'll get to writing a valentine's mention piece.


Nothing can stop my mind from producing bad stuff...

Disclaimer, I do OT own characters...except the OC...but I don't want to own it either

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It was a quiet morning in Konoha village, especially with the Hyuga compound, which had sound proof lead walls (so eavesdroppers and Superman couldn't spy on them), so no matter what they were doing inside the compound, Konoha would never know.

"Hinata-sama! Get up! Hiashi is calling a family meeting! And there are waffles downstairs." the usually stoic Neji lovingly whispered outside the door of his sweet and shy cousin's room, after all Hinata was a light sleeper so Neji was confident she would wake up from that. Catching his breath, Neji next moved to Hanabi's room. Cracking open her door, Neji tossed a tear gas bomb into her room and sealed the door shut. Waiting 10 minutes, Neji donned his special gas mask (It was pink and sparkly, Hinata had bought the sparkles) and opened the door again to see if the sound sleeper Hanabi had awoken. Unfortunately, Neji hadn't realized that Hanabi always slept with her special gas mask on (it was brown and covered in clear band-aids that she had stolen from Neji). Frowning, Neji resorted to plan "B" to wake up Hanabi. Clearing his throat, Neji whispered, "Hinata is eating the last of the waffles." Immediately, Hanabi shot out of bed cursing her sister for again eating all of the waffles for breakfast.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Hinata stuffed the last waffle into her mouth, causing her cheeks to puff out like a cute little chipmunk.

Now that the whole family was up, they all gathered round the very, very, very large table for the family meeting (it was the whole Hyuga clan present after all).

"Now then, I have some very important news for the Hyuga clan." Hiashi said in a booming voice so the whole family could hear, even the ones in the nose bleed section. "Now, as you all know, Hinata is not good enough to be the heiress..." He said as Hinata pouted and pulled out a bar of chocolate to eat. Chocolate produced endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. And a happy Hinata will not kill her family.

"And Hanabi is too young to take on the role of heiress." To which a very hungry Hanabi grumbled and started to pat her pet skunk (why else do you think she slept with a gas mask on?).

"So I've decided to adopt a daughter worthy to be the heiress." Hiashi beamed as he said this, he really had found the PERFECT girl to be his daughter. "Allow me to introduce, XXXXXXX our new heiress, ."

With a puff of smoke and a loud bang, a tall, very tall person stood next to Hiashi. The Hyuga clan waited with baited breath as the smoke cleared, to reveal .

"Thank you all so much for allowing me to become your heiress." XXXXXXX said in a low voice.

"Isn't she perfect!" Hiashi said with tears streaming down his face.

Neji was the first to speak. "She certain is...tall...Hiashi-sama."

"Yes! Taller! She's bigger then anyone in Hyuga. And we all know that bigger means BETTER!." Hiashi grinned as he gave Neji the thumbs up sign.

"Now, Hinata!" Hiashi whirled to face his now second oldest daughter, after all had to be better then Hinata, so she had to not only be taller, but older too. "Show around the village and teach her all her duties as the new heiress."

Hinata frowned. She was out of chocolate.

"And Neji," Hiashi said as he helped to the door, "you will now be XXXXXXX's protector. Make sure no harm ever comes to her!"

Pausing at the door, XXXXXXX turned and winked at Neji. He really was a handsome devil and hoped Neji would like her. "Neji-nisan, I hope we can become very close." She said, which sent chills down Neji's spine. Neji did not like older women, or women who were taller then him, or women who were not Hinata-sama.

Tossing Neji and Hinata outside and gently placing XXXXXXX on the ground to walk about the village, Hiashi hurriedly grabbed Hanabi to help him set up XXXXXXX's perfect bedroom.

With a sigh, Hinata stared to walk to town, she needed more chocolate. Neji followed, not wanting his cute and adorable little cousin to be all alone. XXXXXXX followed, so happy to have a wonderful new family and such a handsome cousin.

Walking towards the chocolate shop, Hinata tried to be nice to her new sister and wanted to know more about her. "So XXXXXXX..., where are you from?"

XXXXXXX froze. "Um, well...ummm...its a secret!" She said, trying not to look suspicious.

Hinata and Neji glanced at each other, XXXXXXX sure was strange.

"O-Okay..." Hinata said. "Well, what is your favorite food?"

"MUSHROOMS!!!!!" XXXXXXX excitedly said. "Especially the blue ones!"

Hinata began to twitch, she really needed chocolate now.

"XXXXXXX, blue mushrooms do not exist." Neji said, hoping to calm Hinata's twitching, even though she looked so cute when she twitched. It almost made a certain part of him twitch.

"Silly Neji-nisan," XXXXXXX said, much to the displeasure of Neji and Hinata. "Of course blue mushrooms exist! They are my planet's specialty!"

'Did she just say planet' Neji and Hinata both thought.

"Er, I mean, my country's specialty!" XXXXXXX tried to cover. "Papa Hiashi loves them too!"

Neji froze. Hiashi ate blue mushrooms? What else was the main house keeping from the branch house!?! Neji was determined; he was going to eat blue mushrooms!

"XXXXXXX-sama, Hinata-sama. We're going back to the compound." Neji said in a way that meant there was no room to argue.

"Anything you say, Ne-ji-ni-san" XXXXXXX said as she gave the Hyuga prodigy a lustful wink.

Neji, resisted the urge to throw up at that look, he didn't want to bother Hinata-sama with something so gross.

"Demo...Neji-nisan...chocolate..." Hinata pouted as she looked longingly to the chocolate shop.

Neji felt guilty. Poor Hinata-sama really loved chocolate. "Gomen, Hinata-sama, but I think I have chocolate in my room you can have." he said. He was lucky the items he ordered last week had already arrived so he could present them to Hinata-sama.

"Really?" Hinata said with hopeful eyes. Neji made tons of money from his missions, so he always bought the expensive imported super yummy chocolate.

Neji felt weak in his knees as Hinata-sama looked at him with those lovely hopeful eyes.

XXXXXXX felt slightly jealous that she had not been offered Neji's chocolate, but she didn't like chocolate anyway. She wanted to get some more mushrooms to feed Neji so he'd look at her and not her younger sister...I mean, she just wanted to get home, to her loving father Hiashi.

Meanwhile, back at the Hyuga compound, Hiashi was frantically trying to make his new, perfect daughter's room PERFECT. He bought her all the posters with the cutest pop stars on them, and made the whole room blue, like the mushrooms he had grown to love. Speaking of which, Hiashi needed a mushroom…right now.

Running to the kitchen he was surprised to see XXXXXXX, Hinata, and Neji entering too.

"Papa Hiashi!" XXXXXXX squealed.

"Daughter !" Hiashi teared as he saw his perfect daughter.

They ran and embraced in a way that would put Gai and Rock Lee to shame. SHAME.

"Excuse me, Hinata-sama, I'll go get that chocolate for you." Neji said, becoming excited when Hinata gave him a grateful smile.

Hanabi snuck into the kitchen, still hungry. She wanted waffles, but there were none left. And her father kept talking about blue mushrooms, which Hanabi did NOT want to eat. She may be starving, but she wasn't going to eat some weird blue thing. She wasn't Gargamel after all.

Dashing to his room, Neji locked his bedroom door behind him. With glee he went to his closet and pulled out a dark box, filled with many, many things. Things for Hinata-sama, things from Hinata-sama, things that reminded him of Hinata-sama, and things that belonged to Hinata-sama.

"Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate…" he chanted as he looked through his box for the perfect chocolate for Hinata-sama.

Chocolate paint! Neji's heart raced as he thought of Hinata-sama licking the chocolate paint off him…

But that was for Valentine's Day. So he put it aside.

Ah Ha! The chocolates he had ordered, anatomically correct little chocolate Nejis (vanilla cream filled). They were perfect! And if Hinata liked them, then she would love a life size chocolate covered Neji! Neji's eyes glazed over as he thought of Hinata eating the chocolate Nejis. After all, chocolate produced endorphins, and endorphins made you happy, and a happy Hinata was so easy to seduce. Neji was careful not to drool on the chocolate as he made his way back to the kitchen.

Hanabi and Hinata kept glancing at each other in shock as they watched their usually strict and stern father fawn all over . And the more they looked at the more they noticed…she was strange. Her voice was deep, and she was so tall and rather burly. And VERY flat chested.

Suddenly, they heard a ringing sound, as XXXXXXX pulled an alarm clock out of her…she didn't have pockets…where did it come from!?!?

"Oh! Papa Hiashi! It's time for your mushroom!" She sweetly said. "And cousin Neji too, he should have one as well."

At that moment, Neji walked into the kitchen to give Hinata the chocolate she was patiently waiting for.

"Neji!" XXXXXXXsquealed. "Have a mushroom!"

"In a moment XXXXXXX-sama, let me give Hinata-sama her chocolate." Neji said, excited to eat some main house food.

"NO! NOW!" said. As she stood between Neji and Hinata.

It was then that Hinata snapped. She didn't care if was Hiashi's favorite and the new heiress. But NO ONE came between her and chocolate. Especially imported chocolate. Using all her might, Hinata shoved out of the way, knocking her to the floor.

"Noooooo!" XXXXXXX howled. Papa Hiashi needed his mushroom…or else…

"ARGHHAA!" Hiashi suddenly yelled as he clutched his head.

Too late! XXXXXXX began to panic. Her wonderful plan to be the perfect daughter would be ruined! She needed to get out of there before they all realized the true nature of the blue mushroom, which has a strange symbol on the cap. Gathering her skirts, she high tailed it out of the compound, running much faster then any normal girl could have. Neji would have stopped her for questioning, but he saw…an Adam's apple…and very hairy legs…

She! She...she…ew.

She was a he…

And she had flirted with him…

Ew. ew. ew.

"Neji-nisan?" Hinata's innocent voice called out to him.

Turning his eyes to her, he was graced with a heavenly vision. Hinata had already eaten half the nejis and had a bit of vanilla crème at the corner of her mouth. And she looked so satisfied. Neji decided today was not such a bad day as he offered Hinata more chocolate.

On the floor, Hiashi was twitching and foaming at the mouth as Hanabi stole his wallet to order take out.

- - -

On the other side of Konoha, Uchiha Sasuke was hiding in a tree from his rabid fans. Growling he rubbed his empty stomach, he had been stuck up there for the past 12 hours. Apparently fans never slept or ate. Suddenly a large rush of wind blew past, and he could have sworn he saw a person running faster then he did when he ran from his fans.

Brushing the thought aside, he saw on the ground a strange blue item, it looked like a mushroom. His hunger getting the better of him he jumped down and snatched it up. It looked innocent enough, except it was blue…and had a strange stamp on the top. Ignoring common sense, he was starving after all, he ate it. He'd look up what OOC meant later.

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**A.N.**

if you don't know who Gargamel is...then you don't watch the cool shows (Like SMURFS)

and there were many things that contributed to this story...

I was going for SOOO OOC and SUCH A BAD OC...(If you don't know why, don't ask...let's just say its been a bad week)

This is a bad story, I expect flames!


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